Miss you guys
All my friends are either starting their new quarter, traveling or completely busy. Thank goodness for the internet, apple pie and the fact that I live not that far from the beach.
Soul Mates
Surprisingly I finally understand an understandable definition of “Soul Mate” in my opinion when I watched the season premiere of Real World San Diego. Yes, I am watching it. Why? Well because 1)I loved the original San Diego Real World and could not help myself and 2)I live in San Diego and just like the rest of society I am some what of an egoist and like to go “Hey, I walked that same way” and “Hey, I sat there” resulting in an impromptu 3 seconds of an ahh haaa moment, where I momentarily feel like I am The Shit!
Ok back to the topic.
During a scene Alexandra described her relationship with her boyfriend to Frank. She went on to describe him as a soul mate but how she described it really made me think. She described that her boyfriend was a Soul Mate but it did not necessarily mean she was going to marry him. I forgot the exact words she used but she basically said that he was her Soul Mate for as long as he was meant to be. Then she went on that there could be multiple soul mates. And this was an unexpected ahh haa moment that I experienced.
My personal definition of a Soul Mate: [inspired by Alexandra from the second cast of Real World San Diego.]
I believe that a Soul Mate is someone that you were meant to have in your life at one point. I believe that destiny or fate or whatever it is you want to believe placed that person in your life to leave a lasting impact of either a learning experience that was both positive and hurtful or overall entirely positive. (I don’t think that sentence made entirely sense but I am trying to say that the first part meant that let’s say someone you cared for so much at one point disappoints you.) You were meant to bump into that person and have them in your life forever or for an instance. This is where I think I tweak the definition a little bit more, I think that a soul mate does not necessarily mean a “boyfriend.” A soul mate could mean a friend or friends. A soul mate is a lasting connection that can hold up even if you never see that person again.
I have never been in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship before so I usually cringe at that cutesy crap of soul mates. I eye roll at all that “he-completes-me” bull shit and I can become pretty cynical at the idea of fate and destiny. But after looking at the meaning of “Soul Mates” in a different way, I now understand.
During my life so far I think I have already run into a couple of my soul mates already. Even the ones that I no longer talk to as much or hang out with as much. My soul mates are the ones that have left a lasting long memory that guided me or even directed me in a way opposite to theirs that helped me learn and help shape the person who I want to be.
I have some amazing soul mates. :)
blah to the blah blah.
It’s school time!
I do this all the time but here I go again (just a little), I will do my absolute best this semester. This semester I am tackling my not so strong subjects. This semester I am also extremely hopeful that I will be able to begin the transfer process for next fall. I want to bring out the old school-me full force this semester, the old school me from high school that seemed to have a tad bit more passion and hope than the one I feel I have morphed into (still passionate and hopeful, but just a bit less shiny and a shade dull [picture washing a bright red shirt a couple of times and it looses it’s intensity, still red just a little not so bright).
This semester too, besides school wise I am going to say that I am going to be a lot more guarded (if that makes sense). Recently for some reason I have gotten that feeling again of being a convenient friend. My version of a convenient friend is that one person that just acts as someone to fill in a space in a hang out. Nothing too special. The friend that is only brought out on occasions. We all grow up and some things are not the same, I am learning acceptance in that area. I won’t hold on to any means of jealousy. I won’t feel abandoned. If I am invited I will accept it gratefully, but I will not make a big deal if I am not. I know this is random, but I am stalling before I commit myself to read the rest of my assigned readings and have to get every ounce of other thoughts out of my mind to focus properly. I don’t want to feel like I need to impress a group of people and I don’t want to be that friend that is brought out to ones convenience. Things change and it’s time I catch up and do the same.
Now back to studying :)
HELLLOOO PUBERTY AND A GOOOOOD AMOUNT OF YEARS!!
I am not going to act like I am some big fan of Harry Potter. I have never read any of the books and I usually have to ask the person I am going with what is going on at times to fully understand what it is I am watching, but I am very appreciative of it’s presence in our pop culture. I like that I was able to live during the time of it’s movie generation and I always find time to just see what the fuss is about on screen. I remember I watched the very first movie at the movie theater with my moms friends from San Jose and I was either nine or ten. I watched the last one at the movies tonight and even though I was not some big fan, I really liked this movie. I think it was my favorite one out of all of them. Maybe part of the reason I liked it a lot was that I got to watch it with one of my good friends. This friend definitely changed from our early high school days. We have different interest in the type of guys we like and types of things we do. But I just like that the things that don’t change is that through all the differences that now set us a part at times, I still love that the stupidest things still make us crack up.
A little off topic, I am learning to accept acceptance everyday. I really can’t keep beating myself up for what I cannot change or what I do not have. But I can just keep doing my own thing and just focus on coming up with some satisfying alternative. This goes for multiple things; friends, small problems and annoying on going personal conflicts. This is one habit I will always break at one point or another, but at this time I feel like I am doing a pretty darn good job of putting that negative energy away.
(Source: karpiwillpeeonyourface)
The Del Mar Fair
We came. We Devoured. We Conquered.
Let me somewhat express myself :)
If you know me, I am not really good at expressing myself in certain areas. I’m not really that kind of friend that is open about talking about my personal life other than my flaws, school, work and silliness. I am rarely that serious and if I am I call it my venting periods that I let out for a couple a seconds and suck it all back in to seize the day with something more interesting. AHHHHH. I’m speechless and unable to say my peace with out speaking gibberish. But many thanks.
Thank you, for just being my friends silly!
This summer has been really fun so far. Even though I don’t frequently go out everyday, the moments where I do get out of my routine of work, errands and home have been really fun. Even if it’s just catching up for a couple minutes for a drink before work to simply going out to go job hunting, it has all been rewarding experiences.
I may not hang out with certain people as much as I want to, but any chance I have gotten, Thank you, guys.
I don’t really like putting labels on friendships, I don’t like the terms “best” and all that jazz, therefore I feel like that reason is probably why I hold myself back to a point in all my friendships. But even through that I still feel somewhat loved and important. I hope, even though I don’t properly show it, that you guys understand that I love really really really enjoy all your guys company :)
Night.
P.S: I know this post is out there and stuff, but after looking through my Facebook pictures (Not gonna lie), I felt a weird need to try to express myself.
Friends know Friends
(Situation: I left my jacket at Julies)Me: Ok cool! It gives an excuse to hang out again
Julie: Yeah whatever, it just gives an excuse to get new profile pictures
Me: you know me so well
I couldn’t resist
Okay, so I remember when this got 300 views and I was like “Oh my It doesn’t get better than this.” Then went to a number that would take me a good couple hours to count to! Like 98% of the comments we got on it were mean, but I really thought they were entertaining and I really did L O L at them too! But for some reason this one got me just a wee bit flustered. I think it was because it was really long and the fact that I have been sitting in this chair for a good 4 hours doing homework and staring at this computer screen that I need to just release something out there. I realize that he said he intentionally meant that he “almost ripped his eyeballs out” but I like to give him the benefit of the doubt he sort of did.
I made this after the first day of school. I began mumbling to myself and realized I had my mini recorder and couldn’t resist. So after watching it that Monday I thought, “Geez this is very informative” but I didn’t have internet till now!(which is part of a story to tell on another blog! I know, I know hold onto your excitement.) So I watched it a second time and just realized I DON’T MAKE SENSE 96.99% OF THE TIME! But thinking that I didn’t want to waste another video I immaturely made, like my 2010 year video fail that I spent 3 days on and realized that I hated it, I just decided to submit this one. So yeah.
If just one tip is helpful, I have succeeded in doing my job.
Weakness with in the presence of Good Company
I have felt pretty shitty lately. I admit to being a worry wart. My version of a dark twisted pessimistic side, that comes out sometimes, consists of thinking of worst possible case scenarios and replaying over and over again what coulda shoulda woulda happened if I could change one little thing, I do this till I go weak. I believe I strategically do this in order to feel some sort of relief if anything remotely positive surfaces. Pure Torture. I found out that my car might be totaled or extremely expensive to pay for. Information I being somewhat a masochist at the moment allowed myself to take in any information my ear or eyes could take whether by car experts, my customers at work to the internet. The thought of the expenses makes me want to sell my liver and kidney along with my entire wardrobe. Fuck Money. But the thought of that car being demolished? That beautiful used baby car that was perfectly functioning, not yet had the chance to explore as much as it was intended to do, totaled? I don’t know it makes me not only feel wasteful but makes me take on the possibility of not having kids.
But this is not what this blog was intended to discuss…
Anyway, during this time where compulsive worries found a solid place to stay with in me it was only a couple hours (or to be specific around 3) with Good Company to make those worries completely dissipate for the time being. It’s crazy! I mean the force an power of good company. :) Thank You, Thank You, Thank you!
If I were to find out before hand of my surprise lunch, to be honest, I would probably found a way to get out of it. The thing I most dread is that “I hope everyone is having a good time” feeling with in me. I would be scared constantly scanning the peoples faces present to detect their emotions on whether they look like they are content. Having an event centered on me? Wow, that’s a lot of pressure. That’s something that this wannabe Event Planner can’t handle.
But for the first time in a very very long time. (I hope this doesn’t come out wrong) I didn’t think of how anyone was really doing. I was happy. I was happy with the people who showed up and grateful for the people that wanted to be there but couldn’t be. For that good 2 hours and something minutes I felt like I was this person with a new status of importance that I have never felt before. I mean I know my mom loves me obviously, but having a decent close knit group of people there to celebrate my coming of age, haven’t felt that type of special before. I mean I had a couple parties as a kid but this one, being much more wiser (I at least hope ;]), felt much more meaningful and I appreciated it. A WHOLE BUNCHA. Right when I walked in and saw all your silly faces my worries and grief over my car situation transformed into a comical story to tell. My minds number one focus was no longer about how much I need to save or work to help pay for the car, it was to appreciate and be thankful for the good company around me.
My happiest moments are never when I am alone. My happy moments could be (from recent memories) chilling with Tiffany, getting to hang with Julie, talking about Greys Anatomy with Kelli, going on an adventure with Kim, spilling out pathetic feelings with Ashley, talking a nonsense language with Simone, lunch with Tracey, laughing with Andrew and Kevin, taking the time to say hello via text message with Justin, catching up with Charisse and Krystal. And these are only a portion on what makes me happy. The car made me feel really good. It made me feel like I was free and thriving and all that good stuff. But Good Company gives the car somewhere to go to, to attend. With just the car, it can get lonely. I have Good Company for now, that’s a start.
Obviously, I am still thinking about the car. But now my car problems are interrupted with happy thoughts. Happy thoughts, Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts.
Thank you guys.
And thanks Mommy!
