I can’t ignore it.
I hid it off of my Facebook earlier this month. I have not discussed it out in the open at all. I have remained completely numb about it. Is this dramatic? Oh well it’s my own puny self-made problem and I can whine about it as much as I want to. I don’t want to let it go. I am grasping onto this visual tangible being that resembles the number 19 with all my being, yet for the past couple of days I find myself doing nothing what so ever to make my last teen days/nights actually count. I mope around my room and wait. It is like I am waiting for the “uhhhhgggg” moment to hit me like a tsunami and destroy me. I don’t want to get to into it because I meant to blog mostly about something else related to this topic, but i’ll say one thing; I don’t feel like I earned the right to say that I am 20 years old. But, I can’t keep that number from coming. (Unless I go to Neverland… haayyyyy Peter Pan, where you at???)
On the positive side on my gloomy first world problem mindset, at the moment, I have a plan. So everyone has a life list, and if you know me you probably know that I have a fairly long one filled with simple to ridiculousness that my naive mindset is forever optimistic that it will all come true. Obviously, I am not in the position to just go out and travel to Europe or something too extreme in bucket list standards, but my plan is to complete my bucket list of little little little simple simple simple things that I have not done yet.
Everyday starting the first of January to my 20th birthday, I want to experience something new. New doesn’t have to be daring or crazy, but it has to be something that interests me in some ways. I made a simple list and once I accomplish it I will be posting about that experience of it on here.
I notice I would hold myself back often from doing what I want to do because I’m just waiting for someone to invite me to do it. But this time, as puny and itty bitty as these mini bucket-list things I plan to do, I am going toute seule if I have to. It will be my gift to myself.
